Category Archives: The Office Space

A bird in the Office is worth two in the home

 Why is it that people you spend everyday with at work become more attractive, but if you’re in a long-term relationship they become less attractive?

I have seen it so often in my office where a girl who I originally think is completely asexual, after a while I start to think  ‘well maybe after a few beers, who knows?’

I can even pick it now when a new girl comes into the office. I’m like, “well she’s a 5 now, but she’ll be a solid 7.5 in 3 months”.

 

It’s the complete opposite though in a relationship. In the beginning, you’re so excited to see her half-naked, even a bit of side boob or lingerie action will keep you going for weeks. Then, after about a year she could be walking around naked rubbing lotion into her skin and you are far more worried about missing the handball segment on the Sunday Footy show.

What was Eric Benet thinking?
What was Eric Benet thinking?

You can see it in celebrity relationships most dramatically. Eric Benet marries Halle Berry and then after a few years he’s like, ‘nah she’s not doing it for me anymore, i’m gonna hit this other young hottie’.

 

 

 

 

I'll beat you with my umbrella, ella, ella...

Chris Brown lays the beat down on Rihanna. Now you know if she was a co-worker rather than his girlfriend he would’ve been super smooth “Forever” Chris Brown, rather than “Bobby Brown” Chris Brown. A girlfriend like Rihanna starts off at a 9 and works her way down to about a 4.5 over a long enough timespan.

 

 Classic example, Bill Clinton cheats on his wife Hilary Clinton, with ugly co-worker Monica Lewinsky. Monica was definitely a 5 when she started, but I’m sure after a few months Bill was talking himself into the fact that she’s an 8.5 and it’s worth risking his presidency, marriage, legacy and the state of the free world for a blow-job from a subordinate.

Bye Bye respect and public standing              lewinsky

Bye Bye respect and public standing
 That’s the affect of the office.

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The pseudo-sports office guy…

Yep, you know the one I’m talking about, you know he has no ability whatsoever, claims made of sporting feats achieved way back are neither creditable nor believable – however, are these guys really as bad as one would imagine?

 They have their positives, from being that extra set of ears to make what you’re saying about last nights Champions League semi final that little bit more meaningful, to actually from time to time offering up an opinion that carries slightly more weight than a bumblebee, the thoughts and musings from these types of co-workers can actually provide some entertainment! They keep abreast enough to be able to offer a ‘hhmmm’ or a ‘yep’ when discussing the quality of Liverpool’s back four, or who should partner Torres up front, Villa or Silva, they’ll give a measured response, but really only because they caught last nights news report and saw that David Villa has been attracting interest from Real Madrid to the Pakistan cricket team!

They have there favourite sports, usually the ones that no one else ‘really’ cares about, cricket, a slight interest in rugby maybe at a stretch, but its their pseudo interest in the crème de la crème sports that really riles you isn’t it, and its at this point that the passive sports office guy becomes the pseudo-sports office guy! Why do I hate, yep, just dropped it, hate these guys, it harks back to my first point, their claims of sporting greatness back in the day can never be believable, making their over expressive, under educated claims all the more ludicrous. To walk the walk between the aisle’s draped in the colours of a newly aligned team is something every true supporter loathes, despises and helps to creates the pseudo-sports office guy, they’ll weigh into these conversations with little knowledge, often not even knowing the overnight scores of the team they would lead you to believe they support, embarrassment for all concerned.  It’s usually the e-mail sent from this guy that will be forwarded back and forth without them re-cc’d back in, claims of what to expect in the next clash of the titans, local derby or contest within the contest are the norm of the origins of these e-mails! The pseudo-sports office guy, can’t stand them… probably could live without them!

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